Deadly Ever After

Archive for the tag “The Midnight Type”

60 Ways to Not Write Your Novel

TODAY’S BREW: Enough coffee that my heart may beat so fast it will finally just stop. You can’t even imagine the puke fest I have lived through last night.

By Julie

I am so in love with the reality of this post, I want to cross stitch it onto several pillows then cry into them. Coincidentally, I also love Gina Denny, who is an amazing writer, with a voice that will kick your ass off of your ass. She did an amazing piece for Josh Hewitt’s blog series “World’s End” called SERENITY. Go read it. http://hewittwcc.wordpress.com/2013/04/05/serenity-by-gina-denny/.

Okay, you’re back?  Okay, NOW go look at what she did for our little side project The Midnight Type, for our “SantaCLASH” series. http://themidnighttype.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/19-days-til-christmas-thriller-title-to-come-by-gina-denny/

Follow Gina on Twitter @ginad129 and check out her blog, http://t.co/uofYCtDzyG.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

60 Ways to Not Write Your Novel

1. Blog about writing.

2. Read a book about writing.

3. Join a fan forum.

4. Listen to Writing Excuses.

5. Make a snack.

6. Join Twitter.

7. Post “Twitter is confusing!” on facebook.

8. Read a book you’ve been meaning to read for a long time.

9. Write a review about that book.

10. Read all the other reviews about that book.

11. Get into a Goodreads war.

12. See the @ column on twitter.

13. “Ohhhhhh… THIS is why people love twitter!”

14. Join a blogging community.

15. Write your synopsis.

16. Write your query.

17. Write back cover blurbs. For the entire series of eight epic fantasies you plan on writing.

18. Have a “job” that pays you “money” for “doing stuff” that “isn’t” writing.

19. Remember Chris Farley did an SNL skit with extraneous sarcastic air quotes.

20. Look up the skit on YouTube.

21. Fall down the YouTube rabbit hole, emerging four hours later with a new-found appreciation for Nerdfighting.

22. Organize your desk.

23. Vlog.

24. Download the More Beaute2 app and edit a selfie.

25. Take way more selfies.

26. Research mundane details of your novel.

27. Fall down the Wikipedia rabbit hole, emerging five hours later with a working knowledge of pulley systems, Napoleon Bonaparte, and cheese.
28. Say it with me: NETFLIX.
29. Write your acknowledgments page.
30. Write your dedication. Make sure it’s so steeped in inside jokes that no one but the person it’s meant for can understand it.
31. Have a social life.
32. Fake a social life on Instagram.
33. Agonize over your first sentence. Minimum time spent on this task: three to four hours per day, for no fewer than nine days straight. 

34. Research agents.
35. Research editors.
36. Research movie options and rights and merchandising clauses.
37. Use imdb to cast your novel’s movie adaptation.
38. Design your own cover in Photoshop “just in case” you ever decide to self-publish.
39. Realize all the pre-installed fonts on photoshop are worthless.
40. Scour the web for the “perfect” font.
42. Worry a lot about your klout score.
43. Register for a conference.
44. Research conferences.
45. Create your own business cards to hand out at the conference.
46. Eat.
47. Exercise.
48. Sleep.
49. Be involved in your family’s life.
50. Write short stories to “break up the monotony”.
51. Create a short story event.
52. Pick a title for your book.
53. Google that title to make sure no one else has used it, or if they have, that their book sucks sufficiently for you to feel confident in outselling them someday.
54. Change your title.
55. Watch movies to “analyze” them
56. Analyze your favorite books. (Fan forums are really helpful for this)
57. Analyze your family. For research.
58. Create a Pinterest inspiration board for your book.
59. Fall down the Pinterest rabbit hole, emerging three hours later with a new commitment to health, wellness, and Nutella.
60. Make really long lists of pointless stuff.
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On The Eve Of Samhain

Today’s Brew: Apple Cider. And remarkably, it’s not spiked.

by Kristen

Since Halloween is everyone’s favorite holiday (although mine is actually Superbowl Sunday), I thought I’d post some quick fun facts about The Big Day

  • Halloween is a Christian holiday! Take that, you pagan propagandist finger pointers. It is All Hallows Eve, the day before All Saints’ Day.
  • I went to catholic elementary school and we used to have November 1st off every year, and of course I thought it was to recover from the chocolate drunkenness of the prior evening.
  • Until 835, All Saints Day was celebrated on May 13th. Someone then had the foresight to change it to November 1.
  • The origins of the holiday can also be traced back to the Roman Goddess Pomona, the goddess of fruit and seeds.  Bobbing for apples derives from the Roman festivals of this holiday.
  • Samhain was a Celtic festival celebrating summer’s end and the end of the harvest season.
  • Samhain was also a bad ass band formed by Glenn Danzig after he left the misfits. Glenn Danzig is 58 years old! WTF. That’s just not right.  
  • November signaled the beginning of the darker half of the year.
  • The Darker Half is also a bad ass collaborative writing blog. I believe I’m scheduled for a guest post there on Tuesday.
  •  The tradition of dressing up and trick or treating goes back to 16th century Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. (WTF, England? Why didn’t you join in on the fun?) “Mumming and guising” involved dressing up, going door to door and singing songs in exchange for food. I think we need to make kids today sing for their supper. Kinda like American Idol meets The Gong Show.
  • In Scotland, people would wear masks, going door to door threatening mischief if they weren’t welcomed.
  • Costumes have another Christian origin. See? Even Jesus like Halloween. “Souling” means dressing up or disguising yourself
  • In 19th century Wales, young people would dress as the opposite sex.
  • In the dark ages, no fun was allowed. Christians would have “soul cakes” to remember souls in purgatory. Churches would display relics or martyred saints. Poor parishes would have their parishioners dress up as martyrs instead.
  • Shakespeare mentions souling in Two Gentlemen of Verona.  
  • Britain used to bless homes and barns to protect people and livestock against witches on Halloween.
  • Oh, I get it now. You Brits are more into Guy Fawkes Day than Halloween. Guy Fawkes Day is November 5 and I’ll be celebrating by RELEASING A BOOK THAT DAY.
  • The Scots, always looking for a party, brought Halloween traditions to North America. The holiday gained popularity in the mid 19th century.
  • Jack O Lanterns are supposed to frighten evil spirits away.
  • Ireland and Scotland carve turnips instead of pumpkins.
  • We can thank classic gothic horror stories such as Dracula and Frankenstein for our current Halloween imagery.
  • Haunted houses may have originated by the Jaycees for fundraising.
  • Judaism forbids participating in Halloween or any other gentile customs.
  • Devil’s Night was a huge problem in Detroit from the 1970s to 1990s as well as other cities in the US.  City youths would vandalize and set fire to things at random. Way to suck, guys.
  • Looking for some Halloween stories?  Check out Chynna-Blue Scott’s The Zombie Project, Pen and Muses The Dark Carnival, and check this very blog every Friday for some great short fiction by guest authors!
  • And tomorrow, the evil geniuses of Twitter join to bring you something new and exciting. Stay tuned!

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