Deadly Ever After

What I’d Rather Hear Than I’m Beautiful: A Rant by Julie

TODAY’S BREW: Butter Rum and then Pumpkin Spice and then back to Butter Rum

By Julie

I’ve got a bone to pick. There has been a lot of discussion in social media on feminist issues recently, more so than usual I feel, and I think that’s great. THAT’S GREAT. To be clear, either you’re a feminist or you’re not. Either you demand equality or you don’t, male or female. I’m a feminist. I’d like to think you guys are too.

The #YesAllWomen hashtag became a movement that brought to light and proved that every woman you know has endured some kind of inequality, from everyday irritations to tragedies. Every woman. (One I thought was amazing was this one: because I was taught to scream “fire” instead of “rape” because it increases the chances of someone coming to help.

On a more positive note, I’m bursting with joy that Keira Knightly posed topless. (see the article here. WARNING, PEOPLE WITH BREASTS ARE TOPLESS. Keira Knightley Goes Topless For Interview Magazine (NSFW) http://huff.to/1tP5nQW )  And yes, read the comments. I love the message that just because she’s seen as beautiful doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel inadequate when it comes to photoshopping. Bodies aren’t to be judged by what the ideal of perfection is, no matter your personal preference, and to me that means men and women alike. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…. I feel judged by women based on my body far more than I do by men, and bodyshaming is an issue we all have a hand in.

But Julie, I thought you were going to confess your unpopular opinion!!

On the other hand, I have to say I got pretty pissed at the appearance of this hashtag, and subsequent overuse of the hashtag the other day: #WhatIdRatherHearThanImBeautiful. Some of them were funny. Hell, most of them were funny. Like”Would you like free donuts with that?” Funny. Some were touching. One woman said a man once told her she was the most resilient person he’d ever met. But in general I was pissed. Here’s why:

A) Just because a woman has a million wonderful attributes, does not mean she can’t be beautiful TOO.

B) I don’t care who you are. You make an effort to be physically attractive by your own standard. If someone tells you that they see it, too, it feels good. Deny it.

C)A person’s physical beauty is only enhanced by their other attributes. See also: every “regular” woman that has ever been fawned over in the company of a “more beautiful” woman.

D) Most of the time if you’re told you’re beautiful it’s because you’re approachable enough to be told so. THIS IS GOOD.

E) Being told you’re beautiful is not on par with receiving 100 catcalls in a 10 hour period.

F) Suggesting that man shouldn’t feel comfortable to tell a woman she’s beautiful takes feminism and twists it into exactly the thing that feminists don’t want: to be viewed as complaining for the sake of complaining and to be seen as a certain type of feminist often referred to as “the ballbuster.”

G) If you mean to tell me you’ve ever been insulted for being told you’re beautiful, I want to hear this story.

H) Yes, you have other qualities. Let one of them be knowing how to take a compliment.

I) A man approaches you say, at a bar. If that man tells you he approached you because he can tell what a caring person you are, HE IS PROABABLY LYING. I get it, you don’t want to be approached just because you’re at a bar. I’m here to say LIGHTEN UP. If you’re not interested, say thank you and smile, and walk away. OR TAKE IT IN STRIDE AND BE UP FRONT WITH HIM NICELY. If there’s more to you than your beauty and that’s the point you’re trying to prove, then show it goddammit.

Or maybe talk to the guy. YEAH, YOU CAN ALSO JUST TALK TO THE GUY. What you look like doesn’t have to be all that he sees.

J) If you have to tell a person what to say and not to say when approaching you or speaking to you in any sort of situation, then maybe you are the one who needs to dig a little deeper. If you’re so sick of being told you’re pretty that you start to wonder if there’s any more to you than that, perhaps it’s not being told so that is your trouble.

K) How many times have you as a woman, started a conversation with something like, “I like your shirt/hair/shoes.” Did the woman say, “THERE’S MORE TO ME THAN MY SHIRT/HAIR/SHOES!” No. Probably not. Same thing.

L) In a relationship of any kind, all a person can say about you is that you’re beautiful? Yeah, that spells trouble in that relationship. But I’m willing to be that if the person didn’t know there was more to you than outer beauty, you would have had the hutzpah to leave the relationship.

M) Feminism has bigger things to deal with. Take a compliment ladies, and show where your real beauty lies.

Here endeth my rant for now. FOR NOW. Feel free to add/yell at me/hate me forever. AND REMEMBER. BEING TOLD YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL IS ROMANTIC. IT IS NOT MEANT TO DIMINISH YOU.

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7 thoughts on “What I’d Rather Hear Than I’m Beautiful: A Rant by Julie

  1. When I think of a beautiful woman, I think of a woman who’s quick with a smile and she’s almost always really funny to boot. Also, I think of my wife. Lol. I probably missed the point of your post, but I don’t purport to be that smart. I also like women who rant, so there’s that. Found you on Twitter under the MOnday blog hashtag thingy.

    • I’m so glad you found me! I love that hashtag! And your wife is wonderfully lucky it seems. I agree, beauty is only as pretty as you are, folks. You can be dressed to the nines and have a perfect face, but if you don’t know how to smile and laugh nobody cares for long.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree. I purposely did. not. participate in the “I’d rather hear” hashtag because why shouldn’t women hear this?! To say we’d rather hear something else shows discontent and ungratefulness. I realize situations of its use will vary, but if the comment is genuine I’D RATHER HEAR I’M BEAUTIFUL. 😉

  3. You got some genuine points here. I just posted a blog Saturday ranting about street and online harassment of women but this is a whole other ballfield. On a similar note, some fellas that stop by my office to chat with the boss call me honey and I’ve realized it’s no different than a woman who calls everyone sweety. So long as that’s as far as it goes, we’re good.

    • You’re absolutely right. Sometimes we just have to lighten the hell up. Online harassment is all too simple to be consequence-free, so it happens CONSTANTLY. But in person, everyone just needs to show a little social grace.

  4. I started reading this post thinking, “I’m going to comment and say something about how it’s okay to be told you’re beautiful in addition to the other positive things about you.” Then I was like, “Oh, halfway down that’s exactly what she’s already talking about.”

    So that means I don’t have anything else to add beyond what you already said. Go you.

  5. I would have liked the # more if it was about how women are called beautiful at inappropriate times making it seem that their looks are more valuable than their skills.
    Also, I’m glad I found this post (looking for how exactly was the # named) because I was guilty of exactly not being able to take a compliment when I should have.

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