TRUE TERROR: Live Giveaways on Radio Shows
TODAY’S BREW: A bunch of coffee and champagne!
I got to do a radio interview today! On WATD FM! It was COOOOOOL. WATD has all these old record players and a ton of awards all over their reception area. There’s posters and a big statue of Elvis, and records and while waiting there I heard myself be announced over the loudspeaker!
“WE’LL BE TALKING WITH LOCAL AUTHOR, JULIE HUTCHINGS ABOUT HER FIRST NOVEL, RUNNING HOME, A VAMPIRE STORY…..”
And then I passed out, so I don’t know if they said anything else. No, not really, but so cool. My husband came along, and that was a real treat for me, actually.
The last time I was in a radio booth was in college many years ago, and I was drunk, visiting a friend. That was cool, too. Dave ran a radio show in the middle of the night, and me and my friend Karen got to dig through all the old records. A ton of ska and punk. But that’s beside the point. THIS time, I was a grownup, and sober, and talking about making my dream come true.
I’ve told the story a lot about how Running Home came to life, and why, but for some reason, doing it on a radio show, with my husband there, holding the book in my hand, made it feel so much more real.
How’s this for scary? “We have two signed copies of Julie’s book right here to give away to callers 6 and 8 right now!” The hosts, Lisa Azizan and Rob Hakkila just put it out there, like that.
OH SHIT, WE’RE DOING IT NOW? ON THE AIR? LIKE WHEN YOU WAIT FOR THE BITCHY LITTLE SPOILED KID AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY TO OPEN YOUR HUMBLE PRESENT AND SAY IT SUCKS??? LIKE THAT? FUCK, NO! NO, NO, NO, TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Waiting for that radio silence was HORRIFYING, for about 4 secons. Then people called! And the lovely Lisa had to answer all the calls, and people who didn’t win were disappointed! Yay, sadness! I REVELED IN THEIR SADNESS AND WANTED TO GIVE THEM ALL BOOKS! A lovely gentleman named Stephen and another young lady named Veronica won signed books. It was the first time I’d signed a book for someone I didn’t know, and it was amazing. The thought that this thing I made up was good enough to have a press want it, that it got made into a real thing, that it was just an idea I had, and now here I was, giving it to people that WANTED it. And that there was that poor caller 7 who didn’t win, and she said “OOOOHH!” And that there was a caller afterward who missed the boat. The boat was full! There was a full boat of people who wanted to read my book!
Because no matter what, no matter how hard I work on my writing, no matter how good people say it is, no matter how proud I am, or how cool I am, or funny, one feeling will never go away:
IT’S STILL JUST ME.
It’s just me, Julie who once asked a blind kid what his friend looked like. Me who got caught chasing a wild pig in my pajamas by the CEO of Victoria’s Secret. Me, who loves office supplies more than shoes, who still wants Dunkin Donuts more than Starbucks. Me, who still feels weird about my face in pictures and bites my cuticles. Me, who came home to a raccoon on my porch with Grandpa thinking he should feed it, and me who’s wearing a fire hat and eating yogurt. It’s just me, but I’m good enough to be that person, too. I did it. I’m that person and this person, still.
It’s terrifying to chase your dreams when you have to give up your reality to do it. But not giving up anything is scarier. Wondering if I should have taken the risk is a fear I wasn’t willing to live with. Even more so, I didn’t want to raise kids who were too afraid of failing not to try. Every day I’m thankful to be afraid, because it means I’m trying, and that the world sees it. And I’ll never stop.