Halloween Wars Has Returned!
TODAY’S BREW: Hazelnut, the Kristen Killer. (sorry, Kristen)
IT’S HAPPENING! My whole family loves this show. And I like to offer my blog commentary like I have some expertise in anything that would be relevant to what these artists do.
If you’re unfamiliar, five teams consisting of a pumpkin carving expert, a cake artist, and candy craftsman compete to make horror displays out of pumpkin, cake, and sugar, to be the ones to win a $50,000 prize. Judges include Shinmin Li, whose name even I, with my complete lack of culinary wizardry, know for her cake decorating, and Brian Kinney, master makeup artist.
There’s a small challenge first that the teams only have 45 minutes to execute, and the winner of it gets extra help for the monstrously large challenge that takes 5 hours. This year’s teams, I have to say, I was not freaking out over. So far, I like Team Psychotic Misfits. Brian Stevens is the cake artist, and he won me over right away in the first challenge with these words:
“I FRICKIN’ LOVE THE DEVIL.”
David Smith is their pumpkin carver, and Brian calls him a rock star, and that is honestly what this guy seems to be. Tatted, intense, and talented as hell from I saw.
The other teams are Black Magic, Twisted Trio (just no), Crypt Creepers, who have Sue, this newbie pumpkin carver who seems to kick some ass, and Skeleton Crew, who disappointed me.
So, the first teeny tiny challenge was to make a devil, and something had to glow or light up. Kick ass, because what’s more classic and excellent than the devil?
Twisted Trio just sucked it. It looked like a dumb devil baby, which could have been cool if they meant it, but they didn’t.
Crypt Creepers had a cool idea, which won over my 6 year old, of having a bowl full of spirits held by a devil. It didn’t do anything for me.
The guys I’m rooting for, Psychotic Misfits, did not rise to the challenge, and made something that the judges said looked like an Easter Bunny.
Black Magic, on the other hand, murdered the challenge with a ghoulish, frightening devil with crazy detail and his whole damn head glowed. WINNING. And they did. They won.
WAY TO FUCK IT UP, PSYCHOTIC DISAPPOINTMENTS.
The big challenge was a cool one, as they always are; ZOMBIE PROM. Boom.
Our first challenge winners had a very cool idea and they executed it, I thought, really well. Townspeople burning down the Prom, with the forefront being the zombie prom queen holding the head of her king. Sugar guy made these incredible looking flames, some of which he smashed and I wanted to die for him. The backdrop had the silhouettes of enraged townspeople among flames, and the zombie queen was gorgeous.
Crypt Creepers sucked it with a girl bringing her dead boyfriend back to life with some zombie potion? That’s not real. ZOMBIE BITES ARE REAL, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. However, they did have white and dark chocolate eyeballs filled with espresso ganache. So, YES to that.
Skeleton Crew was dull as hell.
Twisted Trio bombed with this idea of zombies in a car in a cornfield, but there was no cornfield, just an ear of fucking corn. Seriously, one ear of corn in the car that they blew all their time on.
MY guys, Psychotic Misfits, had this ace idea. The backdrop was a row of lockers, with biohazard stickers and graffiti on them, and a bowl of green zombie punch with a head in it. Sugar lady made these sick looking, delicately beautiful teacups out of sugar, and each one held an eyeball that was filled with some kind of lime stuff. They even had a mirror ball, smashed on the ground. The whole thing was a stunning trainwreck ,and they should have won,
BUT THEY DIDN’T.
Suckass Crypt Creepers did with this dumb prom photo thing and the bone frame, which whatever, that was cool but the other guys should have won. So I guess Psychotic Misfits need to get on the ball.
Cannot wait until next Sunday, and I will give you my completely unbiased review of that episode, too.