My Dumb Sick Day
TODAY’S BREW: Water. I am feeling a little punched in the face today.
Today, I feel like crap. I think this soul-sucking tetanus shot that I was due for did it to me. Let me give you a brief overview. I go to the doctor for an innocent little physical. Moments later, I’m having blood drawn, being jabbed mercilessly with a needle while the tech tells me it’s coming out really slow, until I get really light headed and start hurking into the trash can while saying how embarassed I am and eating tiny peppermint patties for comfort/nourishment/condolences. WHATEVER, STUPID SHOT, IT’S YOUR FAULT, YOU HAPPENED FIRST.
These are the things I want for my sick day that isn’t even really a sick day but I feel like crap and even napped, so here, indulge me because I came home with clothes in a biohazard bag from the doctor’s office today, and that’s real.
1. A hot water bottle like old people use
2. A Twilight movie marathon. No joke, I want that.
3. To never move from under this fuzzy orange blanket.
4. Someone to rub my feet and tell me I’m a pretty, pretty princess.
5. One and one half gallons of Earl Grey tea.
6. A Sears Christmas catalog to leaf through. Not the new one which is a glorified pamphlet. The old one, the one that mattered. The Wish Book.
7. After the Twilight marathon, The Golden Girls.
8. Six naps.
9. A bunch of people to go buy J.C. Michael’s Discoredia right here http://t.co/UZXLvCqGcD
There is no number ten. I’m not greedy, just wanty.
Taking donations of above items now.