Shutting The Hell Up
TODAY’S BREW: Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Because everyone deserves something nice.
I’ve had a fucker of a few days. This happens to me a lot, and when I see it, I laugh because I know that it’s just fate having its dirty way with me, and it always goes away quickly. I’ll have a 3 to 5 day stint of small, unrelated catastrophes that are just big enough to screw with me. Some highlights:
1. A goat at the prison farm ran at me and headbutted me in the thumb, and wow, did it hurt.
2. My showerhead broke. And it was a good one.
3. The 3 year old ripped the wiper off the back windshield of the car in a rage. THESE are the kind of rages he has, and it lasted for days.
4. Walmart processed my order wrong, taking $65 I didn’t really have from the wrong place.
5. There were doctor things. Leave it at that.
6. The cherry on top: I dropped my brand new iPhone in a cup of coffee.
The phone thing really threw me over the edge. The only reason I had such a nice phone was out of necessity because my husband left his crappy phone in the rain. So we got upgraded because it had been so long since we got new phones.
It was like, THE nice, new thing I have, and no, I’m not getting a new one because we can’t afford it.
I don’t really care about stuff. I don’t like expensive purses, or super pricey shoes. I don’t get manicures or pedicures, or buy new clothes, like ever. My car has stickers stuck all over the windows from the kids. My bedroom has been taken over by the kids. My 12 year old purse broke a month ago, and I don’t get a new one. The hose in my sink doesn’t work, the bathtub is falling apart, my laptop works when it wants to. Everything we own is half broken, or is some hobo castoff thing. And you know what? Every once in a while, it pisses me the fuck off.
I left my job 3 years ago, and it was still the best choice I ever made. When we have these week to week paycheck moments, which is every week, I feel bad about it for a while, but then I remember…. when I worked full time, I still didn’t have nice things! The hose in the sink was broken then, too! We still had a crappy car! My bedroom was still a romper room! I didn’t even have a laptop until a year and a half ago, and having a cell phone was a necessity because I was pregnant and driving 40 miles a day back and forth to work.
We aren’t Nice Things People. But we love each other, and even if we want to kill each other at times, we have each other all the time.
Today is 9/11. And there are people that will never see their husbands, wives, kids and friends again because of what happened on this day. Some of those people we lost probably woke up and were pissed that they didn’t have enough money, or that they had a shitty phone, or something like that, but at the end of that day it didn’t matter, did it? And that may be a nasty thing to say, but Jesus Christ, it’s true, right?
While I’m a big proponent of feel how you feel and fuck ’em if they don’t like it, sometimes you need to slap yourself in the face and say shut the crap up. Right now there are people who can’t afford to feed their kids. That’s a thing happening right now. And yes, all problems are relative, but nothing trumps that one for me.
Moral of the story: I am a better person than this. I am better than moaning about my technical devices. I’m living the dream, writing and staying home with my babies for a living. Seeing my husband every single night, and off and on all day. It’s all I ever wanted.
Even if I can’t call a person and tell them how happy it makes me, I still have those people, and that’s what makes the day worthwhile.