Deadly Ever After

The Undead Uno. Sigh.

TODAY’S BREW: S’mores coffee all the live long day.

By Julie

SHE LEFT ME ALL ALONE WITH HER BIRD AND 2 KIDS.

Kristen is in my favorite place in all the world, England until NEXT THURSDAY! I was there way too long ago with a bunch of friends and my then-future husband, drawn mainly by the punk festival Holidays in the Sun, which was SPECTACULAR and WEIRD AS HELL AT MOMENTS, but we did All The Things while we were there and the husband and I dream of moving there forever and ever. Until then….I live vicariously through Kristen, who had better get me the best presents ever.

She comes home the day Running Home is released, and until then I am all alone in the world and she expects me to water her plants ACCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS, like I never watered a plant before. And yes, I may have a black thumb, per se, but I have several plants that I have had for several years that like me just fine.

It makes it hard, because of the jealousy of course, that she has gone to my favorite place without me, not to plot little pranks while she is away. She knows she’s coming home to an Edward Cullen doll. BUT WHERE WILL IT BE? In her bed? Too obvious, not creepy enough. It has been suggested by our darling friend, Chynna Blue Scott, that I replace all of her plants with less law abiding plants. I’ve also considered making all of her ice cubes out of vodka, but then I realized it didn’t freeze, so NO.

Anyways, until Kristen returns, I am the Undead Uno, who coincidentally, is kick ass at Uno. I will not be hosting a blog radio show until her return out of sheer rage that she went without me.

But when she does return, we shall take the Undead world by storm, mostly poolside, always with coffee, sometimes with beer, and we shall entertain and plot our next move which I assure you will be monumental and terrifying to some degree.

Until then, keep me company! I’m so alone.

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3 thoughts on “The Undead Uno. Sigh.

  1. I’d move her ornaments around and see if she notices. (Disclaimer: A voice in my head said it was the thing to do.)

  2. You know, gummy bears swell up if you soak them in vodka over night. You could always fill her fridge with giant gummy bears. Or fill her ice cube tray with clear Jell-O. Is that a thing? I don’t know. I live in a land where Jell-O is called jelly.

    Maybe you could hang tiny jellybeans on her plants so it look like they’ve started sprouting jellybeans!

    Also, I stand by the other plant thing.

  3. Or! You could stock her fridge with lots of beer and food (since of course there is none) and get her prizes for being such a good little travelista.

    Don’t think just because I’m on another continent doesn’t mean I’m not watching you, Hutchings. Perverse things will happen to that Edward doll.

    K

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