Believe by Christopher Liccardi
Today’s Brew: Mary Lou’s Creamy Chocolate Coconut
Here’s a dreamy little number from our friend Chris Liccardi. Do you believe? Follow him on twitter @NiteWriter07 andvisit him at The Darker Half for more!
by Chris Liccardi
As she stood in the shower, hot water pouring down her cold tired body, Teagan reflected on the pain that the day brought her. It was a terrible reflection, empty and hollow and she hated it. The crushing emptiness in her chest felt like it would cave her in. She would be crushed by heartbreak.
Teagan had been through the worst possible day of her life save for the day he died. She could not possibly feel more broken.
Images of the day flashed through her mind, free of order or purpose; confused emotions all with tiny sharp fangs, biting and gnashing at her soul until she could no longer breath. The pain was immense as she stood in the shower, living each moment over and over again until she was sure she could not stand one more.
“Take a breath baby. Just take a single breath. One at a time…for me.” It was the voice of the man she just buried.
“Oh fuck, my imagination is going nuts now.” Teagan said out loud to herself.
“One breath for me Teag…Please? That’s it…just breath.” His voice, so close she could feel the heat from his breath on the her neck.
Teagan inhaled, head down and soaking herself in the hot spray. At first the breathing was slow and staggered, a gasp but she forced it into her lungs. The effect was instantaneous.
“Good job Baby. Just take one more, for me? Please? I know you can do this. I wouldn’t lie.”, his voice, strong and sure, behind her. She could feel his hand on her shoulder in a way she remembered.
“You’re dead Celyn. You’re DEAD.” She started to scream now. It seemed like the right thing to do.
“Teag, I’m here with you baby. Why are you screaming? I can hear you.” Steady strong voice, quite and powerful.
“I am what I am and you need to be okay. You are my concern. I will always be here with you, for you…” his voice faded and his hands moved from her shoulder. The caress on her face was gentle and soothing.
“I.. You… Celyn I don’t understand this.” Teagan once again began to cry.
There was no response and Teagan was convinced the day’s trauma was the cause of this hallucination but the fingers on her face and her shoulder were so real.
“I miss you, DAMIT. I fucking miss you!” shouting again. She wanted him to come back, if not in life than in her delusion of a life she had to let go of.
“Don’t let go Teag. I’ll be here as along as you hold on.” He caressed her back in long sweeping strokes.
Teagan arched her back at the feel of his touch, alien and yet so familiar. She pushed back from the wall, slowly testing to see how good her imagination really was. Would she feel him? Would the motion of her falling body be stopped by the man she loved standing, behind her?
His form, wet and warm against her back did stop her. She could feel his pulsing hardness lying against her lower back. He was with her. Somehow he was here, now!
“I don’t want you to go.” Her mouth was stopped by the most sensual kiss she had ever felt in her life. Pain and fear melted away and she was overcome by such a passion to have him she could hardly stand it.
She was engulfed in him now. He was in front of her, kissing her like a new lover. He was behind her, hands caressing her wet skin, finding her nipples and running fingertips over them with the gentleness of long experience. His cock was pushing up, seeking to find that place where they always came together. She felt elation, confusing, doubt.
“I don’t understand?” was what she wanted to ask, but one that would have no immediate answer. Not in the verbal sense.
Teagan felt her legs being parted, slowly and with gentle warm hands. Her instinct was to resist but even that melted away in mere seconds. She could feel the hands working their way down her sleek wet skin, rubbing their way to her sweet spot. She had felt this loved before, many times over and she longed for it.
She could feel her lips being opened, something long and hard finding its place, a private place where he had been so many times. She opened her mouth to say something and it instead moaned with the sensation of being filled with his love. Something had taken up that space where emptiness had been since his death.
The lovemaking went on for what felt like hours. Groping slow hands finding sensitive tender places where she loved to be touched. The ache in the center of her was satisfied over and over again. There was no end to how many ways and places he filled in her. She kept taking of it over and over again until she could stand not another moment of its intense and dizzying pleasure. She came more that night than she ever thought possible and in the end it was all a blur of strong arms, naked seeking bodies and the sense of peace that overwhelmed her to the point of surrender and exhaustion.
The morning light pouring into the open window brought with it a sense of newness but was fleeting. Teagan opened her eyes, slowly wondering where she was. She remembered so much and yet it seemed reality was kicking in the door like an angry mob out for blood.
“Celyn… baby are you…?” Teagan trailed off. She suddenly remembered the funeral, the rain driving people away. She remembered standing in the downpour, crying and trying to breath.
Flash to the apartment, standing empty and cold now without him in it. She blinked as tears began to well up in her eyes, doubling and then tripling the view from her over-sized bed. It was the morning after the funeral. The weight of the thing hit home and she began to sob.
Another flash and she was undressing on her way to the bathroom. She laughed at that moment realizing he would not be there to pick up her clothes and join her in the shower. She would have to pick up her own clothing now and shower alone. The tears were coming now. No stopping this flood and no more happiness for a while. She would not hear him bellow out her name as she put the key into the lock, laughing all the while as he forced her name into every movie title he could think of. No more celebrating the little things like coming home from work or making it to a concert just in time.
Teagan could barely breath again. She was struggling to get any air into her lungs as she relived the last five years of her life with him. He was center and side of the world she revolved around and now he was gone.
The birthdays, the flowers for no reason, all the things he did just for her. All gone!
Teagan’s crying was in full force now. She was hitching in deep uneasy breaths like a little girl who scared herself silly. She fought to regain some sort of control but failed.
“Baby… be easy with this. You can’t change it, neither can you change the way I will always feel.” The voice in her head and heart was so strong it gave her goose bumps.
“This isn’t real. This isn’t happening?” she questioned the empty room. She was starting to think her sanity was now up for grabs along with everything else.
“Its real for me Babe. Its real for you if you believe it.” The voice grew closer and she felt the kiss on her cheek. It was soothing, as it had always been. Teagan’s breath began to steady, the hitching slowed now. She was gaining control again.
As she wiped her eyes, she again thought her imagination was giving her an out; letting him go easily. She was convincing herself it was not a loss of sanity or a ghost coming to visit her like some bullshit story of morality and conscious.
As she sat up in her bed, she realized she didn’t know how she got there. She was about to get up when she realized she was naked under the covers and laying on the pillow next to her was a single red rose, freshly cut and wrapped in a silk ribbon the color of her hair.
“Celyn… baby?” Teagan’s voice wavered.
“If you believe Teagan…only if you believe.”
His voice echoed through the house and her tears flowing again. This time, the pain was gone; replaced with an intense joy and love. The force of him there crushed her like a wave and she began to believe…